Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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