Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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