I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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