i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
