I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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