You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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