If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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