I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
