watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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