Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
