Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
