I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
