my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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