Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
