The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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