i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
