exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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