69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
