My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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