Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
