I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
