I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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