I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
