I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
