its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
