finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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