Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
