Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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