My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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