You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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