I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
