that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
