well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
