Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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