You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
