I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I fill condoms, not promises.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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