How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
