we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
