Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
