Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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