as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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