there was a trapeze. enough said
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
