Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
