I hate all girls vehemently.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
