Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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