i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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