I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
