saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
