I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
