Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
