You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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