Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
