I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
